I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
