btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think i have herpe
just one?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize