Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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