please come you make the beer taste better
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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