when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
