I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
