Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
