yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Alive.
So much puke
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
