Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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