Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
