I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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