No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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