i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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