He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The adults are the big ones right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
