i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
