I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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