Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
