oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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