I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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