Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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