clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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