What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
