shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we should paint friendship bongs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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