she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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