it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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