Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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