I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
