accomplished twins. life is a go
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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