dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize