it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
