I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
