He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
