I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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