Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
