Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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