You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
