if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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