I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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