I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
