That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
