omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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