I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
