Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
