we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
