What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
don't judge my taste in strippers
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
