So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
