I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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