Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
