My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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