walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize