the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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