Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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