drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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