everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
