the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
