Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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