we have officially lost it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
