Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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