Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
