nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
