I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
