So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
