how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
