I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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