Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
