sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize