Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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