he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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