Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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