I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
